The piano

It looks much better decorated.  I gave myself another lesson the other day.  This may be a slow process. 

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New Piano

Here it is!!!  My new piano.  I really am gonna learn to play this.  I have always wanted to play and now there is no excuse.  Now I just need time to practice. 

Weary? Burdened? He will give you rest!

There comes a time in most women when you experience the deepest desire to have children.  I am way past that point.  Jerod and I knew that we wanted kids, but wanted to wait a few years before we began "trying".  I am grateful that we made that decision, because I was a mess for the majority of the beginning years of our marriage.  It was about three years ago when God took my brokenness and made me whole, and restored a struggling marriage to full-health.  Jerod and I decided that we were finally "ready to have a baby."  I assumed it would be easy.  But here we are three years later wondering if it will ever happen.  Month after month of disappointment and tears.  Anger and fear rage through my body.  I feel broken, and unworthy... like a wife with no purpose.  I have learned not to take offense when people ask if I have children, but my innards boil when they ask me why or tell me I shouldn't wait much longer.  We are in a weird place.  Jerod and I are seeking God's direction for our life.  We are trying to find our niche, a place where we really connect.  Most people our age have kids, and we just don't relate.  We are in totally different places, and completely understand.

I struggle through each day with the "what if's".  What if I can't have a baby?  What if it's me?  What if this is punishment for a past that I am so ashamed of?  What if I really go through the rest of this life without experiencing the joy of having children?  What if Jerod and I don't get to train a child in the way he should go?  Then I stop.  Tears streaming down my face.   And the warmth of God's peace engulfs me.  This is what I read..."Instead of letting me sink into a paralysis of fear, or run into a mirage of greener grass, he has awakened a cry for help and then answered with a concrete promise."
The promises, Oh the promises!!
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30

We choose to trust in the Lord's plan for our life.  With or without children, God has a purpose for me and Jerod, and while we're waiting we will serve Him.  He hears my cries, he know my hurts, and my desires.  I choose to not live in the "what-if's", but to come to him weary and burdened knowing that He will give me rest.  I choose to come with thanksgiving!

This past Sunday our church hosted a special event called Summerfest.  This was designed as a perfect opportunity for regular attendees to invite family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers to Madison Park for an afternoon of fun and to see our Fall Connect opportunities.  We had all types of music, petting zoo, bouncy games, face painting, dunk tank, face-painting and so much more. 
   Jerod and I had the pleasure of helping with the music.  We kicked off the event with a classic rock set.  This set included the incredible instrumental intro of Jump followed by Carry On Wayward Son, Taking Care of Business, Sweet Child of Mine and Don't Stop Believing. We had a great time dodging the rain and rocking the main stage with a phenomenal band.  The remainder of the day was fun-filled entertainment with the men's ensemble, women's ensemble (whoohooo), mixed ensemble (yay) and other amazing artists.  Due to the much needed rain and time restraint we were unable to perform the jazz band set which included 25 or 6 to 4.  Here are some pics I took.  Jerod is showing his Guns n Roses moves.  He may be a quiet soul, but he doesn't lack personality! I love his willingness to serve with me and the joy we share in music.  Despite the rain, we had a great turnout and a wonderful time seeing old and new faces.  The rain may have kept many from coming, but we choose to believe the rain was a blessing on our event.  Rain or shine Christians know how to have a good time. 

Garage Saleing

I had the privilege of going garage saleing on Saturday with a sweet friend.  I recognized another weakness....Recipes/Cookbooks. There had to be fifty BEAUTIFUL cookbooks on this table marked at $5.  Not just any cook books friends.  These were Better Homes and Gardens, & Taste of Home hardback cookbooks.  Barely used... and  I only bought one.   It was hard to say no, but I was strong!  At least Jerod was proud of me. I also found a beautiful tray with a mirror inlay.  It was only $1.  I love it, and it reminds me of my granny.  I love me some bargains!

They're baaaack!  My strongest weakness have hit the shelves this week.  I must stay strong!
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My Battle With Selfishness

Sometimes I wake up and wonder why I am here.  I remember reading all the bumper stickers that ask "Is your life purpose-driven?  I look back on the huge impact that book made in churches all across America.  Yet, I don't live that daily.  I get in a rut, a selfish routine.  I don't even pay attention to the world around me.  Selfishly I think "Well, I'm good, God rescued me.  I don't need to go out of my way and put my mess out there for others to judge me.  What will people say or think?"  I do just enough to feel good about myself.  I shared a little testimony of my mess at church, I sing on praise team, I serve when I am asked, I pray for other people, but sometimes I think there is more I should be doing.   I don't quite know where to begin, except to pray for Gods direction.  I know that I don't have it all together.  "I am a sinner, if it's not one thing it's another caught up in words, tangled in lies but you area a Savior and you take brokenness aside and make it beautiful." I battle with depression, anxiety, anger, worry, selfishness, and fear.  I know that He is making me beautiful, I know that He wants to use my story to help others.  The question is... am I too selfish or am I willing?  We were recently introduced to a new song.  I downloaded it so I could familiarize myself with it before we sang it in church.  It is called "All the Poor and Powerless" by All Sons and Daughters.  The lyrics are incredible and it makes me weep every time I hear it.  I urge you to listen to it and pay close attention to the words. 
 Here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3tkUKVAlBk 
 
All the Poor and Powerless

All the poor and powerless
And all the lost and lonely
All the thieves will come confess
And know that You are holy
And know that You are holy

And all will sing out
Hallelujah
And we will cry out
Hallelujah
All the hearts who are content
And all who feel unworthy
And all who hurt with nothing left
Will know that You are holy

And all will sing out
Hallelujah
And we will cry out
Hallelujah

Shout it
Go on scream it from the mountains
Go on and tell it to the masses
That He is God
We will sing out
Hallelujah
And we will cry out
Hallelujah